Mixed Emotions

We started the day with the usual routines.  Getting dressed, talking with Dr. K and eating breakfast.  One thing was different.  We had a special phone call to make.  It was Lindsay’s birthday and we wanted to sing Happy Birthday to her like we do every year.  We put the phone on speaker and began to sing.  It was mostly Jim and I, Jackie had a big smile on his face.  As we started talking with one another Jackie was getting sad.  We held the phone up to his ear so he could speak directly to Lindsay and he started to cry.  I’m not sure what all was going through his mind.  I do know he loves Lindsay and misses the way things used to be.  We tried to end on a happy note, but Jackie was still sad.  I texted Lindsay later to let her know he was ok and the fact that he is showing emotion is a good thing.  I am so blessed our kids love each other and know that someday Jackie will be back to texting her daily and taking road trips to visit her and Florent.

Breakfast led right into speech.  Becca gave Jackie the choice of having his session outside or in her office.  He chose outside.  Yesterday at lunch Becca had mentioned to Jackie that Katy Perry’s song, Roar, reminded her of him.  Later last night she sent me a link to a YouTube of a music video to the same song done by a Children’s Hospital.  It was very moving and so cool that the hospital did something like this with the kids.  Becca showed it to Jackie in her session with him today.  He cried.  She stopped the video and asked if he wanted to watch the rest, he said he did.  When she restarted it she was making the hand motions that they were doing in the video, Jackie started doing them as well.  She asked if he knew he was going to get better and he gave her a thumbs up.  PTL She asked if he was ready for his upcoming surgery and he also replied with a thumbs up.  As the session continued Becca played the theme to Rocky.  Once again tears flowed but by the end of the song he was doing the Rocky high fist pumps. PTL Becca was making progress and helping Jackie work through some of his emotions.

As soon as they returned to Jackie’s room it was time for PT.  Jackie was starting to get tired but pushed through as much as he could.  By the end of the session Mark and another therapist were helping him walk.  It wasn’t the best he has done, but he was making an effort and trying.

When he came back to the room he was exhausted both mentally and physically.  He took a nap and then woke up for a late lunch.  He ate well but near the end was tiring already.  OT was next and Natalie was covering for Paula.  Lately it has been very difficult to have a good session at this time due to his lethargy.  Natalie tried her best to engage Jackie, but he had a hard time pushing through.  He was definitely showing signs of being tired but was able to complete the session.  After a short  visit with Grandma and Grandpa he took another nap. Dinner, a short visit to the second floor terrace and then a shower rounded out the evening.

Today was a mixed bag of emotions for Jackie.  A sadness for how things used to be and determination to get better.  I was looking online for a quote that would eloquently sum up what I think Jackie is feeling. I didn’t find what I was looking for but did stumble upon this on Pinterest – ‘Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.’ Although I always told Jackie not to do this, I’m sure if he could, he would run to his car, back out of the driveway and do this exact thing.  I know in my heart someday he will do that again, until then we will help guide him through the miles of this journey and someday we will look back with our own bag of mixed emotions.